Peace over conflict

Prone to argue? Known for being contentious, or argumentative? Then you, my friend, are not peaceable. You are likely one of many men who is a volatile and combative powder-keg kind of fellow who brings anxiety into many of the rooms and situations he enters rather than bringing calmness and peace. That is no way to live because it causes stress and emotional pain for everyone around you. Can this be fixed? Is there any hope for those who struggle with this deep-seated sin issue? Yes, it can, and yes there is. Let’s explore.

At the heart of this sin pattern is pride. This vicious, lethal, life-dominating sin destroys lives and wrecks relationships. It’s a subtle sin, which is why it is often overlooked as the root cause of a particular problem, such as contentiousness. Often, we assess a problem based on the fruit we see, rather than on the root that underlies the issue and is the real point of origin of the sin habit. Many men struggle with having argumentative and divisive spirits, likely bred into them by parents or role models they loved as children. This kind of sin issue is taught many ways. For one, it can arise when a child is ignored or dismissed regularly, leading to a deep longing to be heard and valued. Another place this comes from is growing up in a culture or environment that valued confrontation and argumentation. And still another, more subtle way this contentious, argumentative, and domineering spirit is bred into us is by people not having a godly identity and purpose given to them by people they love and trust. This leads to anxiety and defensiveness, which manifests itself in the form of combativeness and incessant argumentation. Perhaps one of these has struck a chord with you. If so, I want you to lean into God in prayer and ask him to show you where this trauma and shaping happened and ask him to heal that part of you. It won’t be immediate, but it will happen if you are surrendered to him and to the process that he will inevitably take you on to find rest, growth, and change in that area.

To end practically, how can you learn to kill pride and the desire to be heard and make your opinion known? Where in your life do you see yourself constantly needing to insert your opinion? Where can you see a proud spirit rising, leading to you always having to give your two cents about a given subject? Where are you unwilling to be seen as less intelligent and less informed? Search out your heart for these dark corners that are allowing the sin of contentiousness fester, shine the light of the Gospel into them, and walk out a man whose family, friends, and neighbors know as peaceable, kind, and Christlike.